Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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