no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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