Your tits are I can't wait for
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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