i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
