that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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