Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
