Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
