yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
