So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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