Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
