This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
