Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
