This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
