her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
