Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
