I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize