WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize