We got so high we made milksteak
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
As shirtless as possible
Sorry my hands just texted you
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize