Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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