i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize