The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he fucked my hip out of place.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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