Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize