I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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