no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
