apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
