Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
