Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize