The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize