who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
