look no pants
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
