Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
