I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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