i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
