there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
