he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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