My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
its liver damage thursday
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
