I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
This girl is more easily done than said...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
