I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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