P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I didn't notice because vodka
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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