I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
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