So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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