Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize