What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
