ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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