In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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