Pappa wants mamma naked
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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