Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
His hands were made for my vagina.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize