Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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