bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have feelings that need drinking.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
