Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
