Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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