Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
