Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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