I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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