All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
