mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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