Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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