His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
