hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
