Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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