PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
