He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
