used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
