Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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