I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
