Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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