The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
