I've blown a few things in my day
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
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