I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
