I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
