I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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