Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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