Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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