he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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