she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹ï¸
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