Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
