Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
