she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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