Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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