I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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