he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
