well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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