we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
