I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
