Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
