I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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