listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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