woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
