listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
