I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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