at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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