he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
