Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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