So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
