He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
