Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
