Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
