And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize