Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
